Already got asked if we're dating
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
two words: eviction party
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
