I'm lost and stupid without you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
