I feel like I'm in dance class right now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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