Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the raccoons are back...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
