I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize