Who wears a wallet chain?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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