Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
