And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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