it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
