if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
