I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
