terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
