I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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