Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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