Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
