U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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