I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
