you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drake has all the answers
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
