If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
