We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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