So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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