i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
