I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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