He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
