In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
