she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
