Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
