The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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