Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
