My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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