Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
