I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
