Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
