I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
