I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
