let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
