we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
