So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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