you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
