Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
