All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
