Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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