how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
