My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
