Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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