Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
