suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize