I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
