He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
