I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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