Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
