Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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