you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
