Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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