lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sext me about skeletons
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize