Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
