I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The best revenge is premature balding
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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