god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize