I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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