i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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