Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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