We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
