Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
