If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
