They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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